Worries

I have this feeling that something is seriously wrong. I don't know what it is or what it's about, but it brings me down real bad. I don't want to be a angry bitch during new years. =/ I want to have fun and make the best of things. If this haven't gone away for the few hours that are left I will have a hard time doing that. Having fun when you feel angry or just gennerally upset is hard. Pleas don't pay any attetion to me if I am a nasty bitch ok? I won't mean it.

Håkan (you know, my stephfather) googled suicide some days ago. He didn't tell me about it, I just kind of ran into it... The computer was simply on with the search still up.
I'm scared. He can't let this whole thing go. He acts really weird. One minute hes all jolly (yes jolly) and the next he must sitt down because of the sorrow or the anger. I've never seen him like this. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him, I just can't handle it. And what am I supposed to say? Erh, have you thought of suicide lately?

I will miss Anton more than a bit too. That part is kind of in the way. I mean two weeks is not a long time! Feel like such baby...

There I think that was all really. I acctually feel better. Isn't that strange?

No melodrama

Christmas.
This was acctually the best christmas in years. We even played boardgames and stuff. (!) It was nice to be able to sit at the table all of us and have discustions that everybody could join. Yes, I do miss the elderly party who used to be with us, but without them it is possible for us to get closer to one another. We looked at old pictures of moms and and her siblings childhood and went through grandmas closet of old clothes. ^^ (you can not believe the colors in that wardrobe!). Eating and drinking. Opening presents. It was close to perfect.

The christmas tree and the toblerone in the christamsstocking this morning. Thats the time when you really feel the magic. I don't think that this is fake... I don't think I make it all upp just because I want it to be there. My familly are happy during christmas.

I have some movies to look at, and a lot of candy to eat. ^^

Fåniga listor

I found my old diary yesterday. It felt weird to read all of that shit again. I know it was me who wrote it, but I can’t stand for it anymore. The person a year ago doesn’t exist. I’m here now. There is a lot about Semmy in there and Erik and Joel some about Jocke… I have lists of all of them. You know god/bad things about them. They’re stupid and really cheesy. But I have made one of Anton anyways just so that he won’t feel left out =P It’ll be in Swedish since I can’t translate it well enough.

Anton
good things

*Leendet
*Sex
*Händer
*Personlighet
*Minen…
*Konstiga kyssar
*Knäppandet med fingrarna när han skriver
*Stark
*Räddningarna (ja, du vet ^_~)
*Självförtroende

bad things

*Bara lite för mycket nörd ibland
*Kläderna
*Skapar inte

Hm, I will randomly pick a page in the diary and then write it here no matter what. It might be fun. Ok here goes… Erh. This one had only four words: ‘Vad ska jag göra’ I’ll do it again. Oh…

23/12 Söndag
Jag har inte skrivit I den här på länge nu. Vart ska jag börja?

Balen. Nej, lite tidigare ändå.

Två helger efter varandra hade jag bott hos Anton. Det var något hos honom som jag drogs till (jag såg inte alls vad det var). Det var inte som med Jocke eller Semmy. Jocke väckte liknande känslor som Joel en gång gjort medan Semmy helt enkelt hade en enorm sexappeal. Det är nåt annat med Anton.

Jag tänker skiva en fånig lista…

What are the odds? O_o

I ceep thinking 'why should I blog when everybody already knows everything'. I'm sorry if you guys expected me to write stuff you already know everything about. Dur.



I really don't know what to write about, only that I want to write. I started two times during the time at Anton. They aren't that relevant anymore. One was about Cv and that was boring like hell. The other was suposed to be about Anton, but we have a very uncomplicated relationship so it would only be boring. I don't want to nag about the divorce either.

The last three weeks have been awsome. I felt really at home at your place Anton. And meeting everybody, even Kenneth and Olle (!). Perfect. WE MUST PLAY MORE MAFFIA Iceye sums it up pretty nicely...

Soo, that leaves... everyting you already know about. Hm, well what do you think about the blog this time? Sorry! I ceep changing this thing without reason. -_-'

Yay or ney....

I can't decide... This was more what I had in mind though. I'll just leave it like this for a wile now. ^___^

I'm not sure if this house have a scanner somewhere. If not, I can't publish the new 'Rosenröds förbannelse' pictures. =/ You guys will have to wait almost two weeks!

The pictures will be up before Christmas, I'll see to it. =D

Makeover

What do you think? I kind of like it... I still need to change things although my world is upsidedown as it is. =D

The blue might go away soon, but the header is here to stay (then again, so was the last one). I can't stop thinking that there is something missing. Any ideas? Color or pics or whatever. Something important is not there. Help?

Koffein

Här är han! Min version av Koffein. Visst är han söt? =P


Jag skulle kunna rita fler ur kalendern, men jag vet inte om jag vågar. Skulle ni vilja att jag gjorde det?

Alltså om jag får för dig Eva förstås. ^^

Confusion, hapiness and EGO

Well, the weekend should be mine to talk about too. So here goes...

I had mayor confidence boosts this weekend. The possitve comments on my dress never stopped. o_O There are so many people that like that thing... Feels like a conspirasy. Well no, not really but very unlikely. -I got nice comments on my hair too, from complete strangers. On the train even where people aren't supposed to talk to one another. My ego will grow very much too big if this continues. ^^

[What will happen when someone doesn't like my work? 'cause it's bound to happen really soon, right?]

Everything became very different this weekend. I hunted down Nallenon and Jocke found his Sofia. Whatever happened to the world? It's confusing and kind of scary. Oh, now don't go around and thinking that scary things can't bring good feelings, they most certanly can. But what happens now? Couples dinner with Eva and Rik, christmas shopping and I guess the whole Anton meet familly thing. I can't see those things clearly... Here, now, everything is pink fluff. Hard not to like that. ^^

The thought of all those things is not awfull nor happy... I need some time to catch up with myself. But like I said, right now, right here I couldn't feel better.

I have never attended a party where people had so much fun without alcohol or drugs. I felt like I belonged. Wonder how many thought we were weird or just sideshow entertainment. Goofy things always seem to happen when Rik and Eva are around. ^^

[The guy next to me at dinner acctually new who Tetsuya Nomura is!!! He was a fan just like me!! He even compared my hair with Pains in FFX- 2]

Hm, well most things are just confusing and some of them are unbelivebly awsome. I guess it will even it self out with time. I don't like emotional rollercosters...

[Oh, Eva! I need you to tell me how tall your window is. I can't make curtains without knowing that ^_~]

Girls and freaks! Oh... and tattoos

Main Theme: Tattoos

I have neglected girls so far. So this time I actually looked for girls with nice tattoos. Not just nice tattoos. -how did the freak tatooes get here! o_O



Like this one. I love it. I shouldn’t ‘cause I don’t like skulls as tattoos nor color tattoos. ??? But I can’t take my eyes of it! It looks like it’s alive (paradox!!). Or maybe I just see movements in it.












Isn’t this a freak show or what! Notice his ears, they’re flowers….
What kind of person does this? Where does he work…?


[Am I boring you all with my constant talk of tattoos? -_-' Hope not 'cause I wont stop]

I know. This is really ugly. Why do I put it up here then? …. …. …. Well actually that I don’t know. Fullbody tattoos are rarely nice and especially not in color nor on girls… I failed big time on this one. I liked it yesterday, maybe I will again tomorrow.













'
[Ok, so there wasn't very much girls anyways... Sorry. Next time I promise. ^_~]

This is a freaky tattoo… I mean what for? It’s disgusting! Hopefully he has a pretty face. You know, balance. ^_^

Göteborg

I survived 7 hours with my sisters, endless H&M stores, an empty stomach (since the sisters didn't want to eat at all) and rushhour at nordstan.

I bought more sofisticated shorts (not the kind of shorts you guys picture in your heads!). My mom praised them and insulted the old ones (and me) in three sentences : "Gud va fräcka! Det var verkligen på tiden. Det är dags att växa upp nu."

Two T-shirts have joined the others in my growing colection. But the best of all! I found the perfect booths!!!! And that for a very very nice prise. ^____^ I'll wear them next weekend along with the rest.

Vote

It's been a long time... I did warn you. (but I feel awful for not updating for nearly a week -_-')

The results on the vote. 50/50 between Eternal Darkness and Death of a stranger.

Da-Ryun - Eternal Darkness (that one was easy... I was there when you voted... I knew before what you would choose though)
Anton - Death of a stranger (I don't know you well enough to know in advance... but since you told me what you voted for...)
Me - Death of a stranger (this is an easy way out, it won't affect me directly)

Now I have to guess, I will assume that Olle didn't vote...

Kristin - Death of a stranger (you're practical thats all)
Eva - Eternal Darkness (this choise comes with little side effects compared to the others)
Rik - Eternal Darkness (this would be the easier choise for you I think)
Jocke - Death of a stranger (I doubt that you would choose eternal darkness, you're ego is bigger than that)
Sara - Eternal Darkness (I don't think you could ever kill anyone)

I know I must be wrong somewhere, I'm only guessing and the comments only explains my thoughts wile guessing. I didn't have any reason at all for this, but for us to have something to discuss.

Sleep and nice guy on the buss.

We didn’t buy tow although that was the reason I came. We are teh smart people! Vi irade runt på gamla stan och försökte hitta tygaffärer… ingen hade en aning om var det fanns några förutom Evas tips om sundbyberg och dit hann vi inte åka innan de stängde.

I’m trying to blog about the weekend but I find it hard to write anything about it that is new to all of you. I have bruises all over – most of them made by Anton I think - and new juicy facts about you all as souvenirs.

The two weekends at Anton has given me a chanse to get to know Anton better. I must say I like you lots!

It was a miracle I made it to the buss by the way. I was in desperate need of sleep. Every time I sat down or didn’t move I nearly fell asleep! Not so good if you are on the subway… It was a pain to wait for the bus at the central to. 45 minutes with nothing to do and can’t sit down in fear of falling asleep. -_-
And when I'm on the buss I find out it's going all the way to Oslo! And then sleeping was becoming a fear again. Since I have no idea for how long or how deep I could sleep I might as well end up in Oslo. Luckily my seat mate was going to Karlstad too and he promised to wake me up when we were there. I ended up talking to him quite a bit, he was nice. Had lots of tattoos and told me to not go to skindeep in Karlstad, they suck. He didn't know who Jeffrey Sebelia was but said that my pants rocked so I'll forgive him.

In Karlstad I panicked 'cause the bus I was plannig to take didn't go all the way home. My phone was dead so I couldn't call my mom and ask her to come get me in sjögränd. I decided to try my cellphone anyways and it must have been a miracle 'cause it was working fine! The funny thing is that when the buss arrived the sign said: Ekshärad.

There, that’s pretty much it.

Nice side effect: I now master the t- central!

Next time... can't we all play some pool?

More tattoos!

Main theme: Tattoos

I like tattos on the back, especially tattoos like this one. I would have skiped the bit on the left shoulder... My judgement might be clouded by the hot guy beneath the tattoo though.



[I want to make mine... But the computer have to be top prioraty at the moment.]





' This one isn't that exciting really, but I like the shape of the lower part of the tattoo. Octopus warning on the top...

If the lines would have been thinner on some of the "octopus arms" I think it would have worked out better. The illusion would not be there at least.

[Stupid computer. Everything was planned and ready to go... I even had money. Sigh.]





Suntattoos and glow-in-the-dark tattoos are getting more and more popular. I like the classic black ink tatto though. I dont get how people can tattoo on the inside of the lip...I've seen 'lovely' and 'bitchin' and others like them tattooed this way. Must hurt like hell! -totally of topic, Lisa told me of a friend of hers that had pierced her clitoris not once, not tvice but four times!! Faint...

Isn't it cute? I love the idea. It's like weddingrings, but cooler. I want someone to do something like this with. Since I probably wont ever wear a weddingring...
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
It's very nice too. The picture and the tattoo.

Suicide

THIS IS IN NO WAY AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, THIS INFORMATION IS PUBLISHED HERE TO FILL THE NEED OF A DISCUSSION. NOTHING MORE.

I actually found this when I typed 'Suicide manual' on google.

1. Make sure there is no other possible solution than suicide.
2. Put you’re home in order, pay the bills, tidy up etc.
3. Provide a weeks supplies of food for your family (anyone left behind). Frozen dinners and
instant breakfasts are recommended.
4. Destroy all writings like love letters, rejection slips, bad poems… and hide the rest where
someone eventually can find them.
5. Take a shower. Deodorant is recommended but not necessary.
6. Lock all the doors, deaden the doorbells and unhook the phone to prevent distraction.

Going by pills? Make sure to leave the bottle at you’re side.


Someone took the time to make this easy 6 step manual. (!) The most upsetting is the damn deodorant!
There was a picture there too. It showed how you slit your wrists the proper way. All the way up to your elbow. Putting it up here would be inappropriate, since I have no idea if it was real or not and it's much to gross.


What is the best way to kill oneself?

Cut your wrist all the way up to your elbow wile lying in a tub with hot water.
Jumping from the rooftop of a five storey house.
Getting in the way of a train.
Suddenly start talking about the best way to kill your self when the topic is tattoos…

Come on guys! What in the world happened? I was only posting about tattoos! Well, if you want to continue the discussion you may do it here instead. It could become interesting, but keep it away from the tattoos. =P

I was right to fear... Final fantasy !spoilers!

Ouch!!!! I finally decided to fight the last boss, and it hurt. Allot. <------- seriously there is no other way to spell it so that my computer gets happy.

I have to train big time to be able to beat that guy. It was only the Undying who was hard. That's something positive at least, but I have no idea how close or far away I was from beating him. I couldn't see how much life he had left. But people on the Internet was at level 64 or more when they defeated him and I'm at 54. My hp just wasn't high enough.

Where can you level up ten levels without getting completely and utterly bored?

Dreams and pictures

I really just wanted to try out the new layout... Hopefully it handles pictures allot better then the first one. -_-'
'
This picture on the right is one of my dreams. I want it to cover most of my back as a tattoo. What do you think? To girly? Well, maybe It's not the end of the world if I act my sex occasionally. ^_~

Main theme: Tattoos

This is just a random picture I found on google... If I were a guy then I could totally live with that tattoo. Sucks that all the "girl" tattoos has to be so lame.

'

'Why does all the cool ones look good on guys only?'
'

If everything work's out as planned I'll have my tattoo done just after new years. The only question is which one I dare to start with. The really big and beautiful butterfly or the really small and cool symbol.

This is the small cool one. I want it on my ...cough... handled? It's supposed to be only 4cm from top to bottom. Now don't bring any of that shit about how much smarter it would be to start with the small one. I want them both and I have decided in every aspect possible that they would fit me. I'm just a little scared of that damn needle... If I do the small one first I might get put of by the pain and not do the big one. Or if I start with the big one and... and get scarred for life 'cause I only made it half way...

God I'm silly. I'll need an army to hold my hand... No, not really, it's not that bad. I'm just nervous I'll bail.

Chocolate & strawberries

Chocolate fixes almost everything doesn't it?

*Menstrual side effects...

*Unhappiness

*Tiredness

*... ... ... well what more is there to fix?!

Can you live without chocolate? It's like your life companion.

Quote

'Lösning på problemet: ge folk choklad.'

'Säg någon som är ledsen med en marabou i handen?'
'Any time is a good time for chocolate'

Now strawberries on the other hand is merely a summer- fling... No one cares about them in any other season of the year. And still they say the happiest time on the year is during the summer-fling. How many get both the fling and the life companion? What a perfect thing... Chocolate AND strawberries.

Stupid layout...

Well, if I want to have both pictures in one post the text gets all fucked up... So I'll just split them. This is Jockes outfit anyways.

Lajv.

Jocke gave me splendid inspiration the other day. And now our Lajv clothes will get much, much nicer!! I was up until late and worked on the sketches. They turned out like this. I'm not sure we match each other really, but maybe that doesn't matter. Jocke hasn't seen them yet so these may not be the final looks but it'll be close I'm sure.

'

Colours are hard... I have only decided that some peaces will be red. Like the cloth round the arm and waist. And the shirt under my coat will be black or dark grey. That's pretty much it...

'

I Can't wait to get started. ^_____^

Sewing and Self portrait

I wont be sewing anything at work after all. Since I was sick for so long I won't have the time to. Luckily I will sow on my spare time. I have some projects going on. -I mentioned it in the last post.

This is a self portrait. Only my friends would truly know if it is a success. But I think the picture turned out quite well anyhow. I made it some months ago so my hair doesn't look like that anymore, but the stile is pretty much the same. ^__^ Only I smile a lot more now than I did then...

I hope to pick up the meaning with this blog soon. But I haven't been able to start working on anything yet. It sucks 'cause I really want to sew! Well I'll be going to Sthlm soon to help the girls -Sara and Kristin- to pick out tows for their dresses. After that I'll get started! Yay!

Beginning

My so called boyfriend isn't my boyfriend anymore. I'm not sure what we were, but we aren't IT anymore. One or two of my friends know about the whole thing. It just got so unbelievably complicated that I don't know whats up or down anymore. Right or left never even existed!

I wasn't supposed to bring that up... The "boyfriend" will not like me for this. But on the other hand he might not ever read this blog, and I do feel like talking about it some more.


No! This will not be my personal diary I will not bother you with this crap any longer.

What I really want to say is that my friend Iceye inspired me to start this blog -there's a link to her blog on the right-. She uses her blog to post up her novels and poems. I will do the same with my ideas; I simply want to have somewhere to put my ideas and results. I will publish sketches like this one, and then when I'm all done with making the clothes in the sketch, I'll post a real photo of the result. I'll have walkthroughs about how I made them as well.

I'll probably wont be able to resist bringing up matters from my personal life again I'll warn you before I do so that you easily can skip those parts. I have no idea how long this thing will survive but as long as it dose, enjoy!